THE TRUTH

I don't wish to end it.

But her words really painful.

But somehow, i just wish,

That...

She could come back to me.

PAINFUL

Last night i cried

I guess, the moment we know how deep is our love is when the person is gone.

And hurt more when we realise that we will never get that person, ever.

The moment i have to endure myself.

To go thorugh such painful moment is a must

Life like that i guess

Hopefully tomorrow will be better

I can only pray for her happiness

And pray the lucky guy she end up with will give his utmost love.

As i used to dream to give mine to her.

Such a lucky guy to have her.

Sigh

AMOI 2

there's one amoi that i truly love.

now i miss her...

when will that amoi come back?

i love that amoi

AMOI

The fact is...i really love this amoi.

Everything seems so surreal right now.

The fact is...i really love Farah Waheeda

SHE WITH THE BAJU KURUNG

Yes, another note about love.

Despite i'm going out with few 'candidates' or various effort from friends to introduce me to 'The candidates', i find it is very hard for me to venture to the world of companion and relationship, for next few months.

For now, the after-effect from previous relationship still wont heal effectively. I don't think finding another girl (for this time) is a good solution for it. Furthermore, it is hard for me to open my heart for anyone right now.

I imagine if, i settle with some girl today, i would not give her 'my 100%' percent concentration' for her. My mind still, at some point thinking about Natinski. I had to admit that.

Yes, maybe infront of my friends i would said that i'm ready for next chapter. Truth is, her shadow is still with me. I think it is unfair for any woman that i meet now.

I give a lift for one girl last night. She sitting beside me wearing baju kurung. I kept imagining that is Natinski who sit there. My memories of her with baju kurung, sitting quitely, staring at me and i just cruising along KL roads suddenly came back to me.

That tells me that i'm not ready for anyone.

Yet.

MAYBE I'M LOOKING AT A WRONG MARKET part 2

I spent around 30 minutes with "ms T". One of my used-to-be-closest friends.

Ms T said to me that she doesn't trust men anymore. Well, it is not the first time she utter that 'everloving' words. Popular choice of words for independent woman nowadays. Woman who shout equal rights. She said that all men are untrustworthy and of course, all of them inherit same attitude.

I don't blame her.

After all, she had six previous disastrous relationship. She commit with six born-to-be jerk. Even i had to agree with that. I even didn't get along, no, hate her last companion (or boyfriend).

Then again, Ms T come up to me, like zillion others woman who scream how difficult to find a good man as a companion (i mean boyfriend).

Agree, all six of them are jerk.

But saying 'all men are useless" doesn't give any justice or rather not actually accurate terms to apply.

All six jerks does inherit some sort of same quality which lead to relationship catasrophe. Like me, she also usually fell with same type of men.

Couple of years ago, i tried to match her with other my fellow bachelor who i think (at least) that will make her happy. Yes, that particular man do not have many traits that she wants. But i know 'that man' is different from any that six jerks.

She rejected my proposal without even trying for one date.

That when she just broke up with her fourth jerk.

Now she coming back to me and tell the same o' story. Oh, by the way, 'that man' now quite living a time of his life with his fiancee.

"Why it is hard to find a good man" asked Ms T again. I give a blank stare.

I remember saying to my friend, Amir Mukhriz, that he is a rare breed of man nowadays. Soft-spoken, career-man, doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, religious etc etc.

This is Amir's answer:

"It's rare for Fazura maybe, who looking her spouse at disco, night-club, party etc etc.

Go ask a Ustazah, she will said that there's a zillion men who zillion times better than me around her."

It's depend on the girl actually.

But then, i don't think Ms T would want Ustaz for husband. She admited to me that Ustaz makes her feel "eyyy, geli".

well, i hope all the best for Ms T.

AMUSING LIFE

Went to MUSE last night despite trying not to went there.

After Muse, i've made my own conclusion that is, i'm too old for concert now. I prefer to stay at home and enjoyed few series of Arrested Development.

Typically, there's lot of "hot or trying to be hot chick" around the stadium Negara. Surprisingly, their presence seems doesn't bother me at all. Can't really tell you why, but my taste of having these chicks as eye candy seems die recently. Not that i'm not interested in girls anymore, it just, i'm not interested to them now. Err...that doesn't sound right, is it?

And suddenly i was thinking of my ex. Yes, Miss Natinski. I guess i'm not suppose to wrote here. Maybe i'm not suppose to reveal it. While i assume she already get over me and move along with another candidate, i'm still not sure if i'm ready for next one. Perhaps not for this few months. I just don't want to get hurt, at least for now.

The concert reminds me of her. The good and the bad times.

But what to do, it's not like i have the ultimate power to fullfill all my needs.

Like my fellow friends used to say to me, i'm a lucky guy in few angle of life. I got a dream job, a quite happy family, i finally published a novel. But i guess there's a price to pay for that. My love life downright miserable.

Then i wonder, if i would have a chance to pick between dream job and love life, which one i would choose?

Such dilemma.

Oh, did i suppose to write about MUSE?


Note: I wonder where is Kartika? You don't want to comment my English anymore? I really appreciate your effort.

COMPANION

My friend asked me to find a companion. Which means, find a girl (or many girls - depend on your flirting ability) which you and her doesn't commit any deep relationship. Both of us just wanted to be together because don't want to be alone. So there's no serious attachment, thus no heart will be broken. Obviously no talk about marriage.

At first, i think that actually not a bad idea at all. In fact, it kinda great.

But come again, no. I still believe romantic affair is still out there for me to grab.

Dangerous things about this companion thingy is, one of us might end up Do grow some feelings towards his/her partner. It might be mutual, or might not.

Even so, i didn't think 'companionship' is a right answer for me.

For this moment, i would like to stay like this. I really don't want another female come and crush my heart twice in 2007.

Again, perhaps yes, maybe not.

Do you want to be my companion after all?

HOLIDAYS AND BEYOND IT

Yeap, happy holidays everyone (unlikely since i doubt no one would read this blog anyway).

I'm off for another misadventure up to north side of Malaysia. Might stumbles upon some interesting stuff.

Maybe if you'll be nice to, i'm kind enough to tell you my journey.

Well then, till next time. See ya.

Have a nice holidays.

DON'T KNOW

I want to write something today.

But there's no cool things happend to me today.

Ummm, i can write about last night,

But... no.

Keep it to myself.

Hohoho...